So to get right to it 2 days ago we had our 2nd miscarriage.
It was exactly 2 years ago to the date from our first one.
We were told 14 months ago when we had Allyson that we had 2 years to have another baby IF we wanted another. Any longer than that, I would most likely have worse problems than I have had with Jared and Ally. Worse problems obviously aren't an option since worse than Jared would basically mean Death for me and possibly baby too, to put it bluntly.
So after lots of thinking and talking we decided to try for 1 more. Months of nothing and thinking that maybe it wasn't suppose to happen we finally got a positive test.
Then 2 days ago...
So now our time is basically gone. We have no more time to have another one. I know a lot of you are thinking, well, you do have your 2 already and lots of people aren't that lucky and blessed and I totally agree and understand that. I love my 2 little miracles and enjoy all the time I get to spend with them and I'm not taking that for granted. It's just the thought that I have that we are never going to be able to have another baby.
So many pregnancy things are controlled or taken care of, but with my issues that I have it's not the case. Sure, pills seemed to help a bit, but even with being closely watched with Ally, I was still always on the edge of so many more issues. It was worry with more worry the whole pregancy. So with that in mind some of you are probably wondering why? Why, would we go through that yet again. Why put yourself at risk. We (Aaron and I) have always wanted more than 2. Yes, I know we have 2 healthy kids, and 1 of each, and NO I'm not taking that for granted either. I guess I can't explain it.
Hopefully this doesn't sound like pity party. I guess maybe it is a bit, but that is not what was intended. Just the realization of life and how things don't turn out the way you dreamed they would.
8 comments:
So sorry for your new heartache. Just know we love you.
I'm so sorry Carolyn and Aaron. All the emotions that you must be feeling... I just can't comprehend it. I love and admire the two of you for the way you handle things.
Carolyn, I'm so sorry. I knew the time was counting down and was wondering what you guys might do. I'm sorry this happened.
And no, I don't think it sounds like a pity party. I know you love your kids and I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. It is very frustrating when things don't turn out the way you thought they would.
Sending hugs from Texas.
Wow I didn't know that you guys had been given those kind of time constraints. With that in mind, I can see how this miscarriage is really heartbreaking. Heck, miscarriage is hard enough even when you have no reason not to belive you will be able to have other healthy pregnancies and babies. So sorry to hear that happened :(. Sending prayers your way!
I'm sorry. You deserve a pity party, and I would totally bring the pizza rolls if I could. I'm thinking of you both, and praying for your healing and comfort.
I'm popping over from CM... and I just wanted to say, you have a beautiful family. And you know what? Who cares if people think it's a pity-party. You're GRIEVING right now. The loss, not being able to biologically carry another equals to a LOT of heartache! Let yourself grieve, it's a healthy thing as long as you're not giving up on yourself and your family. Meaning, you're still living and functioning and doing more than just surviving.
You're loved by a lot of people (and yes, your "sisters" on CM too.) There are other ways to add to your family and you know, you don't have to think about that right now.
Thinking about you & keeping you in my prayers.
Oh, dear Carolyn! I am so deeply sorry for your loss...I am unable to completely understand what you're going thru but you will be in our prayers. And I don't think you should be denied any pity party- these are some serious and life changing issues your family must handle in some way. Know that you are in our prayers and I hope that everything will work out for the best, whatever that may be.
Carolyn, I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling right now. Just remember to put your trust in Heavenly Father and if your family is meant to grow He will help that happen. It may come in an unexpected way. I will be thinking about you and Aaron and keeping you in my prayers. Love ya
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