During this time

A little background to start this post.

October 22nd we discovered that we were expecting.  Yes, expecting.  Nothing could have surprised us more.  Everything you are thinking we thought about too.  We finally got used to the idea, and started to think about the normal baby coming thoughts. 

The next few weeks were filled with feeling nasty, doctors appointments and lots of Blood Pressure checks.  From the very get go (which actually made me curious if we were expecting before I took a test) my heart rate and my BP jumped up.  Tonia and Dr. Sand were going to send me to UW to see Dr. Easterling already, not a good start. Even through that we were getting a bit excited at the idea.

November 30th I went in at 10 weeks for another ultrasound and the normal checks, to find out there were 2 babies and neither of them had heartbeats anymore.  So now we were dealing with a shock again obviously for another reason.  Shock 1, there were two babies, Shock 2, they were gone. Now we needed to plan on what we were going to do.  Let nature take it's course, or due to being over 8 weeks (which is where they like to do the cut off, but not always) perform a D & C.  I've had at least 2 miscarriages before, and so I thought I would just let nature take it's course, but with the plan of if nothing happened by the following Monday going to in talk to Dr. Sand again.

This is where the waiting began, which I think was horrible. Before with my other loses, things happened which told me that the pregnancy was gone, but not this time.  Especially being this time of year, I want to enjoy this time, I want to enjoy the kids.  Another factor is Jared is older now and knew that something wasn't right in the house.  The kids aren't aware of what happened, they are too young to understand. 

Nothing happened by Monday, so more scans to make sure, which came to the same conclusion.  So, wait a couple more days and if nothing happened, come back and we will schedule the D & C.  So, more waiting, and hoping (as bad as that sounds) that something would happen.  Not sure why my body was holding on. 

Wednesday the 7th (last week) I went in and talked to Dr. Sand more and decided that we would get scheduled for the procedure to happen Friday.  We (Aaron and I) have a lot of love and respect for Dr. Sand. Some people have problems with how he does some things, but with our history with him before and now this and how he handled this, we have even more love and respect for him.  He is a great person.

So I got prepped with blood work up and a bracelet with the plan of going into out-patient surgery Friday early afternoon.  I was hoping that during the 2 days of final waiting something would happen and I wouldn't have to go through the process of the hospital stuff, and in a way I got my wish. 

My body started freaking out Friday morning.  I think it was trying to move things along, but it went about it all the wrong way.  I called Dr. Sand and he told me to come into his office right away.  We dropped off the hooligans at Reba's and made way to the office. 

Once I was there I took my Cytotec and the emergency D & C was performed in his office.  I was loosing way too much blood and my blood pressure was shooting up way too high.  It was at 158/98 when I got into the room.  As Dr. Sand said, it was getting to unhealthy levels for any stage of pregnancy.  So yes I still had to go through the D & C, and it was in his office so no pain meds were available.  I was/am glad that I didn't have to go through the process of waiting at the hospital doing the procedure and then waiting to go home.  Though I wouldn't like to go through my way again either.  A few different people warned me about doing it in the office, and so I was aware how very painful/uncomfortable it was going to be, but I think I over thought it, and I do have a high pain tolerance so I made it through alright.  I was 2 days shy of 12 weeks.

Dr. Sand and his nurse said they were impressed with how well I handled everything.  It was over. 

It has been 5 days now and things are going alright. 

-Physically things are going a bit better.  We are watching my BP closely, with appointments and whatnot.
-Mentally things are getting better I think.  I have my moments.  Yes this whole pregnancy was unplanned, but still.  There have been of comments made, mainly out of care and concern, but then there has been others that I'm trying to forget.

Now I am trying to move on and enjoy the up coming week with the family.

Thanks to all those who have contacted Aaron and I through Facebook, phone and other.  Don't be offended if you hadn't heard.  We didn't tell anybody about the pregnancy so we didn't tell many about the lose either.  I just figured there had been so many questions and show of concern from others lately that I should tell you what was going on, not to mention I use this blog more like a family journal/history.  Good and bad, it is all history.